Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think my fart just growled at me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
