I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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