Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Houston, we have a blender
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
