I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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