i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
