Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
