You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
