Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
