Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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