ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
