So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
