Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You don't make any sense
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