return my video game
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
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Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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