My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
