hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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