went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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