There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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