When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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