if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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