she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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