margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
