i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
