official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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