The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
