dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
