I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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