is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
