Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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