Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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