He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
