Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
