You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
