yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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