how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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