please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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