a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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