I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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