worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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