Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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