You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
