I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
