hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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