At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
