Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
