I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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