Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
