maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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