Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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