You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
