You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
