During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
