Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
