I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
