It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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