I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize