If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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