I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
