Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
