So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All I want is dick and wine.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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