look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
