Just fell off a train. Bad.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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