she was so not down for the gang bang
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
