i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
